i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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