I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
