Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
