Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
