I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
