hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
