Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Randomize
