I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
