he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
