Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
