where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
