I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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