hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
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I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
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Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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