I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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