naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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