You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
