I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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