how can u be prego again
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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