i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
