Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
