i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
There's even glitter on my cock...
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