mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm having to shit out rocks
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
