i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
