And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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