...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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