jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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