he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He shit in the fireplace
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
