Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
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i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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