Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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