so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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