So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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