Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I love you.
Bad choice
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
