oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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