"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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