I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
