We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
