im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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