Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
