thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
