i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
