it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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