we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
It's just like the Real World with babies
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
