she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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