Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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