Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
