Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
