I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
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