just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
