I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
