Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
This is classic penis vs brain.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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