so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Someone came in the potted fern
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Randomize
