OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
