watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
