Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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