I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
