So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
