I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
