a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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