I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
