note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Randomize
