I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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