this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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