He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
