He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
