just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
