I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
