you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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